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I have a question for everyone out there who has gotten behind the wheel of a car while not fully sober: Why?
I've heard all the excuses and none of them seem good enough.
"I had to get home somehow" -Okay,
that may be true...but if you knew there was a chance you were going to
be consuming alcohol, then you should have made arrangements prior for a
designated driver, or public transportation, or made sure you could
crash somewhere, or if close enough..walk. There is NO excuse for it.
"I wasn't drunk, just a little tipsy, I'm fine" -No,
you aren't fine...there is a reason it's called "tipsy"...your brain
may not be as impaired as it would if you were wasted, but it is still
in an altered, slightly depressed state. It doesn't matter how good of a
driver you consider yourself or how careful you are...the fact is, many
people get into accidents even while they are sober, the chances are
significantly raised while alcohol is in your system.
This is such a selfish action. If someone wants to put themselves at risk,
it's their choice, but when you get behind that wheel and onto the road
when you are not sober, you have crossed the line and are now in the
territory of putting others at risk as well. It's selfish. All because
you wanted so badly to drink, and wanted it so badly that you didn't
care to think how selfish, immature, and irresponsible it would be to
get behind the wheel after.
Why is the drive to drink and to
"have a good time" so strong that we don't care to take time to make
safe arrangements to get home, or don't take time to think of how
irresponsible we are if we don't?
I have a few friends who drive
while tipsy, and some that drive while drunk. The tipsy ones claim that
because they aren't drunk and they are careful it's fine. News Flash
people: Nearly everyone who gets behind the wheel, whether tipsy or flat out
drunk...believes themselves to be fine. There is a reason it is against
the law to drive under the influence. That law isn't in place to annoy
or frustrate us, it's in place to protect us.
To all of you who
drive under the influence, I don't care if you are a close friend or
not...I hope a cop catches you and gives you a DUI. I will not be
sympathetic in the least. I have many friends who have not had any brushes with the
law, and who drive under the influence on occasion. Sure, they don't
make a habit of it, but it is something that should NEVER be done.
Designated Drivers, Taxis, Walking, Calling Friends, Drunk Busses,
Crashing At A Friend's place. There are other options avaliable, people.
Use them.
I was recently responding to a friend's blog about some of the
problems within the gay community, which inspired me to write this blog.
The
truth is, Ageism is extremely prominent within the gay community. If you are an older man who makes a habit of going to gay bars and clubs, you are thought of as "creepy" by the younger gay crowd. What a shame.
I
have personally been to clubs where someone who is a bit older was in attendance, and I was shocked by how often I had overheard people saying things like
"look at that old guy over there, I hope he doesn't talk to me". How
rude and snobbish can you be?
It's a fact that within the gay
community there is too much emphasis on superficial matters. This obviously plays
a part in the rampant ageism. I admit there are some creepy older guys on the prowl for
hookups out there, but they're no different than the younger gay sluts
who are on the prowl as well. It's just that if you're older or considered "ugly", you are creepy. If you are younger and considered attractive, you can engage in this same behavior, and not be considered creepy. Does this sound logical?
Despite that category (hookup prowlers), there are plenty of older gay men who are simply lonely and looking for love just as we young guys are.
Why should they be limited to someone their own age, and why should there be limitations upon where they can and cannot go to socialize or look for love? Love crosses all
spectrums. A lot of older gay men might be "new" and have finally come
out of the closet and are just looking for love and companionship and
don't know where to start other than going to a club and talking to the
majority of who is there: younger gay guys. The younger guys can be
extremely judemental toward older men who are simply looking for the
same things we are.
I've personally spoken with a very nice 62
year old gentleman while at a club. He enjoys going to clubs, he's very "with it" when
it comes to popular culture, and enjoys the music and atmosphere of a
club. He is recently divorced and out of the closet. All he is looking
for some friends and potentially a boyfriend. He said whenever he goes
out, he feels depressed about the fact that no one approaches him, and often if he approaches someone to make
conversation, they don't seem to want to engage in it because of his
age. There is nothing creepy about this man, he is simply a lonely guy in need
of companionship. Yet younger gays think that possessing a sense of youthful style,
hot bodies, and an upper hand on what's in and what isn't makes them too
good even just for a friendship with an older man.
There
are a lot of young gay guys who are into older guys, "daddies", if you will. These guys look for
older guys to date, and it's generally not considered a problem. But whenever an
older guy looks for younger guys, it's suddenly "creepy" and "wrong". Age is simply a number. If there is attraction, and mutual
interest, why should it matter if a 20 year old is with a 48 year old (or older)? It saddens me that ageism is still incredibly acceptable in society. I have more to say regarding this subject, but I'll save that for another time.
I've been told several times by those older than I that I am too "soft" or too "naive".
People
tell me I forgive others too easily and I'm setting myself up to get
hurt by people. It's not a issue of myself being naive. I am well aware
of what I am getting into with situations.
As children, most of us are
very happy-go lucky, very optimistic, and very forgiving. Very Trusting.
Obviously if we've had a traumatic childhood that is not the case. For those who have had more or less a happy childhood, have you retained any of that child-like wonder? I think that childlike innocence is extremely beautiful. And
unfortunately, as we go through life, many of us become hardened by our
life experiences. We are wronged, betrayed, and weathered by the cruelty
and harshness life can sometimes dish out to us. We hold grudges, we
become unforgiving, we become untrusting of others. Also, many people
develop a bit of racism or negative ideas about certain races/cultures
groups, if certain stereotypes are influenced in our direction.
This
is not to say one should allow themselves to be taken advantage of. I
don't allow myself to be taken advantage of by people and never will. We
can remove harmful individuals or those who have wronged us from our
lives if we are being hindered, as preservation of emotional and mental
health should definitely be #1. But... we should also forgive, for all
grudges and hatred do are blacken our hearts and blindfold our souls.
I
think it's heartbreaking. Obviously this world is not always a beautiful
place, but I want to always retain a pure heart. I've never let myself
develop that hard shell and I'm proud of myself for that. What is the
point of holding grudges or holding hatred or disdain in our hearts??
I think it's healthy to retain a relationship with the inner child in all of us, and let him out to play once in while. As
children, the world is a magical and wonderous place. Snow falling is
one of the most beautiful and exciting things in a child's life. A trip
to the zoo, observing an animal outside, discovering the beauty of
nature, or experiencing the sheer joy and excitement and warmth of the
Christmas spirit. These are simple things that some of us take for
granted or grow numb to as we get older and are bogged down by relationships,
work, driving, and finances.
But you know what? Next time the snow
falls, don't complain about driving, or cleaning your car off. Instead
go outside and build a snowman or have a snowball fight. :). On a summer
day, take a walk through the woods and admire the beauty of mother
nature. Don't send yourself into a frenzy during the holidays because of
the impending debt or overload of holiday work you may
experience...instead make a cup of hot cocoa, put on a beloved holiday
CD, sit near the tree, and look through old pictures of holidays past. Lose the frustration, if just for a short while, and recapture the joy.
Life is hard, but it is also relatively short. Feed your soul once
in awhile and let loose now and then without the use of alcohol or other
"adult-related" methods of letting loose. Cheesy, maybe. But most often
it's the "cheesy" things in life that warm our hearts.
This is inspired by an ancient discussion I had with a friend around the time Miley Cyrus had released her music video for "Can't Be Tamed". In this video, Miley unashamedly displays a bolder, sexier persona, which had left a bad taste in people's mouths. Bear in mind this was still while Hannah Montana was on the air and Miley was still considered a Disney-esque teen queen. I can't begin to remember how often I saw the words "slut" and "whore" thrown around throughout the music blogosphere. This is something that's gotten under my skin many times. People cried "slut" when Mariah first shed her girl-next-door image and stripped into a teeny tiny bikini back in 1997. People cried "whore" when Britney Spears danced around in seductive schoolgirl attire. Throughout history, we've belittled women simply for growing up and connecting with their sensual, sexual side.
Part of growing up and becoming a woman (or man) is getting in touch
with your sensual, sexual side. For some, sexuality and being in touch with one's body and desires are a driving force in their life, something they are not ashamed of and definitely not afraid of. In these types of people, their sexuality embodies much of who they are (Madonna). For others, it is a bit more complex, some women fall prey to
using their physical sexuality as a crutch, a method of hiding insecurity, and
never really seem to "own it". They dress the part but are more or less
conservative. Think Mariah.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand.
This isn't about any of the above mentioned women. It's about all women, and men for that matter. I
don't think it's right to call a woman a whore simply because she shows
leg and cleavage, and God-forbid, expresses her sexual nature. It's
backwards, sexist, and demeaning.
Sexuality is as natural as can be, yet it seems we aren't granted our right to be a sexual
being without being degraded or looked down upon. What's worse is that there is an incredible divide between how society has determined men and women should express their sexuality. Men can show off their ripped abs and
pecs and it's fine, wear sagging pants that display underwear, and even pose nude. There is little to no backlash. If anything, the man is praised by women, and the envy of other men (assuming we are talking about someone who is in great shape). But all a woman has to do is show a bit of cleavage and leg, and she is called out for it, labeled a tramp by both sexes. This extends toward sexual actions as well, but that's a tangent for another time.
Examples in the media are Elvis Presley and Boy bands vs. Marilyn Monroe
and Britney Spears. Elvis Presley was quite sexual in his performance. His gyrating hips were considered too sexy for television at the time and were censored. Male pop stars
often show off their bodies in music videos. The Backstreet Boys were allowed to pose in videos with shirts off, or white shirts that have been wet, bringing the abs and pecs to the forefront. If a female pop star engaged in this "wet t-shirt contest" behavior, she is a slut. It's all connected to the incredibly sexist and ancient double standard. A man can sleep with 5 women and be "the man", a
woman sleeps with 5 guys and she's a dirty whore. The same idea extends to attire and behavior.
I know many people aren't serious, and people often throw these words around as
more of an attempt to be humorous. I do a have a sense of humor and can laugh about it. I realize these are media figures we're
talking about, and they are going to be overtly scrutinized no matter what, but these are issues I see everyday in the context of the real world, and this is a problem we need to address. I'm simply tiring of women who show off their body being
labeled this way. I'm sure not many of us know these women personally,
nor do we know the intimate details of their sex lives, so how about we
stop the juvenile, baseless judgement?
Everyone who knows me knows I Love Mariah. In 2001, due to overworking herself, as well as music industry politics and drama surrounding her life, Mariah had a bit of a meltdown. The TRL incident, as well as some disturbing voicemail messages left for her fans on her website, foreshadowed her not-too far along hospitalization. Poor Mariah. At the time, it was quite alarming as a fan.
Though the world made a laughingstock of Ms. Carey, as she definitely is a bit crazy (in a good way), it was clear to fans that had followed her career that something was clearly wrong (this was not typical MC craziness). However, with Ms. Carey now in fine spirits and a glowing new mother, we can now look at this video and laugh at the craziness.
Yesterday was the 10th Anniversary of what may be TRL's most outrageous moment. For the nostalgia, here it is!!
Have you heard of this incredibly useful, tasty berry? Chances are you've heard of poison sumac. Here is a photo of Poison Sumac:
Note the white berries. There are many types of Sumac, and this is the only toxic one. All the other Sumac specimens have clusters of red, fuzzy berries.
Any Sumac with red fruit is safe, edible, and if gathered at peak, delicious!
The berries are most often dried and used as a tart spice in many Indian and Mediterranean dishes, but what I will be sharing today is a recipe for a sort of home-made wild lemonade called sumac-ade! This drink is delicious, easy to prepare, fun to gather, and loaded with Vitamin C.
Preparation of the beverage is simple. The first step is to harvest the berries. The large clusters easy to collect. I usually just snap off the twig that bears the cluster by bending it quickly, although some people might feel more comfortable use pruning shears or a knife. You want to get the berries when they are dark red and fully mature, so that they have fully developed their tart flavor, but before the rain has had the opportunity to wash the flavor out. A dark red/purple coloration usually indicates that the flavor of the fruit has developed fully; yet some of the best clusters I've tasted were light pink. As with any wild fruit, taste will vary from location to location, and even within the same plant.
A potential mistake is to harvest the berry heads before they are ripe, in which case they will produce an unpleasantly bitter brew. More commonly, the problem is that the berries are collected long after their flavor has been washed out by rain.
Take your Sumac clusters, place them in a pot, pour cold water over them, then crush them up a little with a spoon or potato masher and then let the pitcher sit in a cool place for a while. Pouring boiling or hot water over the berries will cause the drink to become bitter. Always use cool water. The longer the berries infuse, the stronger the drink will be. When the flavor is to your liking, just strain the drink through a cheesecloth to remove seeds and hairs. Sumac-ade is pleasantly tart with a light pink color. Add sugar or honey to taste. I use Agave.
All in all, however, the sumac is a wonderful tree, deserving of much more attention for culinary use. Unfortunately, the fact that most people associate sumac as being poisonous doesn't help it's reputation. That does leave more for me, but either way there's plenty of sumac to go around. Why not try some this summer? :)
Just whipped this recipe up while experimenting in the kitchen this past week, and it's proven to be quite the hit! This soup is savory, creamy, with a hint of sweetness and a slight kick.
You will need:
Olive Oil
4 Cups Pureed Pumpkin
6 Cups Coconut Milk
Large Handful of Dandelion Greens, washed. (If you are not the foraging type, substitute with your favorite green)
1/8 cup chopped cilantro
1 Red Pepper
2 Cups Mushrooms
1 Large Onion
6 Cloves Garlic
1/2 Teaspoon Nutmeg
Spices to taste (Very Important! This is what makes the soup delicious!)
Spicy Curry
Garam Masala
Sea Salt
Ground Pepper
1. In large pot, bring coconut milk, pureed pumpkin, and dandelion greens to a boil. Once boiled, bring to a simmer.
2. Chop onion & red pepper and mince garlic cloves. Heat over medium heat in skillet with 2 Tbsp Olive Oil.
3. Once onion and peppers are soft and beginning to brown, add mushrooms. When mushrooms are brown and vegetables are roasted (slightly browned), add to soup pot
4. Let soup simmer. Add cilantro. Now comes the tricky part. I very rarely measure my spices. As individual taste may vary, so will preference of spices. Continually add dashes of each spice (Except the nutmeg). Taste periodically and continue to add dashes of spices until soup develops desired levels of savory and spicy.
5. Continue to stir the soup periodically. After soup has simmered at least 15 minutes, add nutmeg. Stir and simmer 5 more minutes. Turn off heat, stir and serve!
6. Garnish with fresh red pepper, dandelion blossoms, fresh cilantro, or whatever you like! This is a very eastern inspired soup. If you or your party guests desire adventure for their palate, this soup is for you!
April showers bring May flowers. Some of the most beautiful of May's flowers include lilacs. Surely you know the fragrant flower clusters by name, sight, and scent..but did you know they make a kick-ass Jam? Lilacs are the very essence of spring. Here is a recipe that will allow you to bottle up the taste of spring for months to come.
The ingredients you'll need:
2 cups, loosely packed lilac blossoms, without green parts & stems
Juice of 1 fresh lemon
3/4 cup water
2 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup water (a second time)
1 pkg. Sure-Jel pectin
Directions: Put 3/4 cup water and the lilac blossoms in a blender and blend well. Add the lemon juice and notice how the lilac paste turns a richer purple as soon as the lemon juice hits the dull purple paste. Add the sugar and blend again to dissolve. Next, stir the package of pectin into the second 3/4 cup water in a sauce pan and bring it to a boil, continuing to boil hard for 1 minute. Pour the hot pectin into the blender with the lilac paste. Blend again and pour into jars or small storage containers. Let cool, then cover with lids and store in the freezer. The jam will turn a deeper purple as it sets up. You can dip out the jam whenever you want some.
And, it tastes like spring, too! This will keep in the freezer for about 1 year! :)
From the moment we are born, we are raised to believe we will have to follow certain unwritten rules that are dependent on our sex. This construction of "femininity" or “masculinity” normally begins with the color of our clothing. We dress our girls in pink and for our boys, blue. Growing up children are given toys that reinforce these rules. Girls are given dolls and play kitchen sets, because as a girl, you must learn to be gentle, and to be "domestic". Boys of course are given guns and G.I. Joe’s, because as a boy, you must be tough, powerful, and strong. If a boy falls down and cries, they are told that little boys should not cry. If a fight occurs, a boy is told to fight back, except if it is a girl. this reinforces that girls are supposed to be "weak", but since other boys should be "strong" it is okay to hit them. Little girls are told they should not be too loud and shouldn't get dirty or fight, because it's not what girls are "supposed" to do.
Question for everyone.. why should we not give kitchen sets to little boys and give the the same amount of coddle we give girls, and why should we not have little girls participate in sports? Why does there have to be a division between the two genders at all? There has been studies in which children were raised in an entirely gender-neutral environment, and observed. These children possessed no identity problem. It is no secret that many of us have identity problems because we are defining ourselves by our gender, and whether the traits of being “masculine” or “feminine” fit us or not. If we are a boy and are too "feminine" it is a problem. If we are a girl and are too "masculine", this is also a problem, but not nearly as much so as for a "feminine" boy. How sad it is that many people put so much weight upon a socially constructed machine to determine who we are.
Society constantly imposes that we be either “masculine” and “feminine”, whether it be in the media or ideals transferred onto us by our parents or peers. Many women have focused on challenging the idea of “femininity”. Over the last decades, women have become more involved in sports, they are no longer expected to always wear skirts or dresses, women have taken more powerful positions within society and taking more control over their lives without the reliance on a man. However, what about us men?? Society has not done much, or at least enough to allow men to challenge the idea of “masculinity”. Think about this...a woman can wear jeans without fear, but can a man wear a skirt if he chooses? Many men are afraid that by challenging or not conforming to the stereotypical image of a man or being “masculine”, that they somehow become more feminine. It is as though there can only be one definition of what is it to be a man, and that this definition cannot expand or be flexible. If a man is sensitive, that is feminine. If a man is moody, that is feminine. If a little boy wants to play with a doll, that is feminine. Now keep in mind, these are all socially constructed examples of what it means to be a women. It is true all stereotypes have an origin. plenty of women are moody, sensitive, and many little girls like dolls. BUT that is mainly because they've been socially molded to be so since birth. Men haven't.
Feeling as though we need to conform to being masculine or feminine serves no real purpose in society, except to continue on a sexist tradition. Masculinity and femininity do not have to be two separate entities or at opposite ends of the spectrum. I think we need to reconstruct what it is to be “feminine” or “masculine”. We must realize that both men and women possess traits that would consist of both, and that this is healthy, and in fact better for both men and women. If our little boy wants to play with a princess doll, that is okay! If our little girl wants to play army-woman, that's okay! Our world would be a much better place if we could be free to be who we truly are, without risking ridicule for doing the "wrong" activity or expressing the "wrong" emotion for our sex. If we raised our children as gender nuetrally as possible, we are paving the way for less sexism and stereotyping in the future. Through this, not only will it make for a better society, but it will benefit familial, romantic, and platonic relationships and benefit ourselves by allowing our society progression.
Since acquiring my own in-home coffee bar, I have little interest in visiting Starbucks, save for a social call now and then. Many of us will agree that Starbucks makes a mean Frapuccino, Mocha, & White Mocha. Perhaps you're more of a Latte or Tea Latte fan. Either way, visiting Starbucks can be a heavenly experience, but the effect on your waistline is..shall we say..less than praise-worthy. Here are a few tips to minimize your caloric intake at Starbucks, while also trading a few ingredients for healthy alternatives.
First Step: Find out what is in your drink of choice. Chances are, aside from Coffee, there is milk, sauces and/or syrups, and whipped topping.
Second Step: Get decaf if you can. Caffeine, in healthy individuals, can be healthy in small does, but if you are ordering a Venti, that is quite a bit of caffeine. If you feel you need the jolt, by all means order Caff. If you are more into the taste experience, and can forgo the Caffeine, do so.
Third Step: Trade off. If you order your drink with whole milk, substitute skim, or even better, I recommend Soy milk. Though Soy milk has more calories than Skim, It is (despite the higher calorie count) much healthier for your body, and will give your drink the same creaminess as whole milk. If you are not a fan of Soy Milk, give it a try. You can't even taste the "soy" when blended with your favorite beverage!
Fourth Step: If your drink includes any sauces or syrups, ask the barista to cut the amount 1/3. This is where most of the calories in your drink come from. If you find your coffee to be as delicious as ever, you can try asking them to cut the amount 1/2 next time. If your coffee is not as sweet as you prefer, then they will make you another free of charge, with the original amount of sauce. Don't be afraid to experiment! Starbucks encourages it. They will replace your drinks for free until you are 100% satisfied!
Note: I advise against using the sugar-free syrup options, unless you are diabetic. These syrups often contain aspartame, which has been linked to a plethora of health problems (Read more here.) Believe it or not, there is strong evidence that real sugar, even that that has been processed, is a better alternative)
Fifth Step: Whipped Cream. A dollop of whipped cream in a Venti beverage at Starbucks adds a whopping 12 G of fat!! If you can do without the whip, go without. If you need the whip to "complete" the heavenly Starbucks experience, ask for just a small dollop, or even better, bring in your own Fat-Free Whip (Available at most grocers), and enjoy!
Please note that even this "healthier" alternative to your favorite drink is still high in sugar and calories. If you're st Starbucks every day, try and cut back some. Your waistline, your heart, and your wallet will thank you!
Ever come to a point in your life where you wake up and realize you've become someone you don't like?? I have. I had been in quite the funk over the past several months and until recently, I could not seem to shake it off. After the last of my close friends moved away, I found myself in a darker place than what I had grown accustomed to. No longer was I optimistic, happy, and concerned for my physical, emotional, and social health. I became withdrawn, pessimistic and betrayed my body in terms of health. Within just a few months, I had gained 30 lbs.
Well about two weeks ago I woke up one morning and realized I needed a change. This change was not going to be easy and would require a bit of hard work. This was quite an inspirational moment of reflection. I believe the best part of life is that each day can be looked at as a new beginning. Although changes, whatever they may be, are not immediate nor do they happen overnight, there is always a new day for a new beginning. No matter how hard we may fall, we are always given a chance for a new beginning. The first step is learning that we must forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, and recognize the chance to start over begins with self-redemption.
What is happening within your own life that you disapprove of? Perhaps there is a situation in which you have little control over. While life is abundant with obstacles in which we might feel powerless, take solace in the fact that you are entirely in control of your reaction to such a situation. Look at today as a brand new start and a brand new you. All of us have fantasies of who we would like to be. Perhaps we wish to be better students, better lovers, or athletes. In life, there are many times in which we might question how we will pull through. There may be times where all we can do is look at the process of life as a series of steps, and take each one as they come, celebrating each one as a victory. Although we will stumble, we will not let that stumble turn into a plunge. Live Every Day with Intention.
I'm just a city boy with a country boy mentality. I'm easygoing, and I have a positive outlook on life. My life's been far from perfect, but everything happens for a reason, everything I've gone through helped mold me into who I am today. I have a profound appreciation for music, fine foods, and the endless natural bounty our world has to offer.
