Staying in Touch with Your Inner Child

I've been told several times by those older than I that I am too "soft" or too "naive".

People tell me I forgive others too easily and I'm setting myself up to get hurt by people. It's not a issue of myself being naive. I am well aware of what I am getting into with situations.

As children, most of us are very happy-go lucky, very optimistic, and very forgiving. Very Trusting. Obviously if we've had a traumatic childhood that is not the case. For those who have had more or less a happy childhood, have you retained any of that child-like wonder? I think that childlike innocence is extremely beautiful. And unfortunately, as we go through life, many of us become hardened by our life experiences. We are wronged, betrayed, and weathered by the cruelty and harshness life can sometimes dish out to us. We hold grudges, we become unforgiving, we become untrusting of others. Also, many people develop a bit of racism or negative ideas about certain races/cultures groups, if certain stereotypes are influenced in our direction. 

This is not to say one should allow themselves to be taken advantage of. I don't allow myself to be taken advantage of by people and never will. We can remove harmful individuals or those who have wronged us from our lives if we are being hindered, as preservation of emotional and mental health should definitely be #1. But... we should also forgive, for all grudges and hatred do are blacken our hearts and blindfold our souls.

I think it's heartbreaking. Obviously this world is not always a beautiful place, but I want to always retain a pure heart. I've never let myself develop that hard shell and I'm proud of myself for that. What is the point of holding grudges or holding hatred or disdain in our hearts??
 
I think it's healthy to retain a relationship with the inner child in all of us, and let him out to play once in while. As children, the world is a magical and wonderous place. Snow falling is one of the most beautiful and exciting things in a child's life. A trip to the zoo, observing an animal outside, discovering the beauty of nature, or experiencing the sheer joy and excitement and warmth of the Christmas spirit. These are simple things that some of us take for granted or grow numb to as we get older and are bogged down by relationships, work, driving, and finances.

But you know what? Next time the snow falls, don't complain about driving, or cleaning your car off. Instead go outside and build a snowman or have a snowball fight. :). On a summer day, take a walk through the woods and admire the beauty of mother nature. Don't send yourself into a frenzy during the holidays because of the impending debt or overload of holiday work you may experience...instead make a cup of hot cocoa, put on a beloved holiday CD, sit near the tree, and look through old pictures of holidays past. Lose the frustration, if just for a short while, and recapture the joy. 

Life is hard, but it is also relatively short. Feed your soul once in awhile and let loose now and then without the use of alcohol or other "adult-related" methods of letting loose. Cheesy, maybe. But most often it's the "cheesy" things in life that warm our hearts. 

Sluts & Whores.

This is inspired by an ancient discussion I had with a friend around the time Miley Cyrus had released her music video for "Can't Be Tamed". In this video, Miley unashamedly displays a bolder, sexier persona, which had left a bad taste in people's mouths. Bear in mind this was still while Hannah Montana was on the air and Miley was still considered a Disney-esque teen queen. I can't begin to remember how often I saw the words "slut" and "whore" thrown around throughout the music blogosphere. This is something that's gotten under my skin many times. People cried "slut" when Mariah first shed her girl-next-door image and stripped into a teeny tiny bikini back in 1997. People cried "whore" when Britney Spears danced around in seductive schoolgirl attire. Throughout history, we've belittled women simply for growing up and connecting with their sensual, sexual side.

                               

Part of growing up and becoming a woman (or man) is getting in touch with your sensual, sexual side. For some, sexuality and being in touch with one's body and desires are a driving force in their life, something they are not ashamed of and definitely not afraid of. In these types of people, their sexuality embodies much of who they are (Madonna). For others, it is a bit more complex, some women fall prey to using their physical sexuality as a crutch, a method of hiding insecurity, and never really seem to "own it". They dress the part but are more or less conservative. Think Mariah.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. This isn't about any of the above mentioned women. It's about all women, and men for that matter. I don't think it's right to call a woman a whore simply because she shows leg and cleavage, and God-forbid, expresses her sexual nature. It's backwards, sexist, and demeaning.

                                                   

Sexuality is as natural as can be, yet it seems we aren't granted our right to be a sexual being without being degraded or looked down upon. What's worse is that there is an incredible divide between how society has determined men and women should express their sexuality. Men can show off their ripped abs and pecs and it's fine, wear sagging pants that display underwear, and even pose nude. There is little to no backlash. If anything, the man is praised by women, and the envy of other men (assuming we are talking about someone who is in great shape). But all a woman has to do is show a bit of cleavage and leg, and she is called out for it, labeled a tramp by both sexes. This extends toward sexual actions as well, but that's a tangent for another time.
                                                      

Examples in the media are Elvis Presley and Boy bands vs. Marilyn Monroe and Britney Spears. Elvis Presley was quite sexual in his performance. His gyrating hips were considered too sexy for television at the time and were censored. Male pop stars often show off their bodies in music videos. The Backstreet Boys were allowed to pose in videos with shirts off, or white shirts that have been wet, bringing the abs and pecs to the forefront. If a female pop star engaged in this "wet t-shirt contest" behavior, she is a slut. It's all connected to the incredibly sexist and ancient double standard. A man can sleep with 5 women and be "the man", a woman sleeps with 5 guys and she's a dirty whore. The same idea extends to attire and behavior.  

                                        

I know many people aren't serious, and people often throw these words around as more of an attempt to be humorous. I do a have a sense of humor and can laugh about it. I realize these are media figures we're talking about, and they are going to be overtly scrutinized no matter what, but these are issues I see everyday in the context of the real world, and this is a problem we need to address. I'm simply tiring of women who show off their body being labeled this way. I'm sure not many of us know these women personally, nor do we know the intimate details of their sex lives, so how about we stop the juvenile, baseless judgement?

Gender: The Social Construction,

     From the moment we are born, we are raised to believe we will have to follow certain unwritten rules that are dependent on our sex. This construction of  "femininity" or “masculinity” normally begins with the color of our clothing. We dress our girls in pink and for our boys, blue. Growing up children are given toys that reinforce these rules. Girls are given dolls and play kitchen sets, because as a girl, you must learn to be gentle, and to be "domestic". Boys of course are given guns and G.I. Joe’s, because as a boy, you must be tough, powerful, and strong. If a boy falls down and cries, they are told that little boys should not cry. If a fight occurs, a boy is told to fight back, except if it is a girl. this reinforces that girls are supposed to be "weak", but since other boys should be "strong" it is okay to hit them. Little girls are told they should not be too loud and shouldn't get dirty or fight, because it's not what girls are "supposed" to do.

Question for everyone.. why should we not give kitchen sets to little boys and give the the same amount of coddle we give girls, and why should we not have little girls participate in sports? Why does there have to be a division between the two genders at all? There has been studies in which children were raised in an entirely gender-neutral environment, and observed. These children possessed no identity problem. It is no secret that many of us have identity problems because we are defining ourselves by our gender, and whether the traits of being “masculine” or “feminine” fit us or not. If we are a boy and are too "feminine" it is a problem. If we are a girl and are too "masculine", this is also a problem, but not nearly as much so as for a "feminine" boy. How sad it is that many people put so much weight upon a socially constructed machine to determine who we are.

Society constantly imposes that we be either “masculine” and “feminine”, whether it be in the media or ideals transferred onto us by our parents or peers. Many women have focused on challenging the idea of “femininity”. Over the last decades, women have become more involved in sports, they are no longer expected to always wear skirts or dresses, women have taken more powerful positions within society and taking more control over their lives without the reliance on a man. However, what about us men?? Society has not done much, or at least enough to allow men to challenge the idea of “masculinity”.  Think about this...a woman can wear jeans without fear, but can a man wear a skirt if he chooses? Many men are afraid that by challenging or not conforming to the stereotypical image of a man or being “masculine”, that they somehow become more feminine. It is as though there can only be one definition of what is it to be a man, and that this definition cannot expand or be flexible. If a man is sensitive, that is feminine. If a man is moody, that is feminine. If a little boy wants to play with a doll, that is feminine. Now keep in mind, these are all socially constructed examples of what it means to be a women. It is true all stereotypes have an origin. plenty of women are moody, sensitive, and many little girls like dolls. BUT that is mainly because they've been socially molded to be so since birth. Men haven't.

 Feeling as though we need to conform to being masculine or feminine serves no real purpose in society, except to continue on a sexist tradition. Masculinity and femininity do not have to be two separate entities or at opposite ends of the spectrum. I think we need to reconstruct what it is to be “feminine” or “masculine”. We must realize that both men and women possess traits that would consist of both, and that this is healthy, and in fact better for both men and women. If our little boy wants to play with a princess doll, that is okay! If our little girl wants to play army-woman, that's okay! Our world would be a much better place if we could be free to be who we truly are, without risking ridicule for doing the "wrong" activity or expressing the "wrong" emotion for our sex. If we raised our children as gender nuetrally as possible, we are paving the way for less sexism and stereotyping in the future. Through this, not only will it make for a better society, but it will benefit familial, romantic, and platonic relationships and benefit ourselves by allowing our society progression. 

ReInvention Begins with Self-Redemption

Ever come to a point in your life where you wake up and realize you've become someone you don't like?? I have. I had been in quite the funk over the past several months and until recently, I could not seem to shake it off. After the last of my close friends moved away, I found myself in a darker place than what I had grown accustomed to. No longer was I optimistic, happy, and concerned for my physical, emotional, and social health. I became withdrawn, pessimistic and betrayed my body in terms of health. Within just a few months, I had gained 30 lbs.

Well about two weeks ago I woke up one morning and realized I needed a change. This change was not going to be easy and would require a bit of hard work. This was quite an inspirational moment of reflection. I believe the best part of life is that each day can be looked at as a new beginning. Although changes, whatever they may be, are not immediate nor do they happen overnight, there is always a new day for a new beginning. No matter how hard we may fall, we are always given a chance for a new beginning. The first step is learning that we must forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, and recognize the chance to start over begins with self-redemption.

What is happening within your own life that you disapprove of? Perhaps there is a situation in which you have little control over. While life is abundant with obstacles in which we might feel powerless, take solace in the fact that you are entirely in control of your reaction to such a situation. Look at today as a brand new start and a brand new you. All of us have fantasies of who we would like to be. Perhaps we wish to be better students, better lovers, or athletes. In life, there are many times in which we might question how we will pull through. There may be times where all we can do is look at the process of life as a series of steps, and take each one as they come, celebrating each one as a victory. Although we will stumble, we will not let that stumble turn into a plunge. Live Every Day with Intention.